Dear Queenie: Advice for an Imperfect World: Worried About Her BFF's BF

Worried About Her BFF's BF

Dear Queenie, my best friend of 14 years has been in a long-distance relationship for more than a year now. She moved away for college about two years back and I've only recently met her boyfriend. For some reason I'm not getting good vibes from him and his behaviour seems too obsessive.

He doesn’t let her be friends with guys or even go to parties if he is not around. If for some reason she is unable to pick his calls he calls me asking where she is. My friend seems different now from when we started college. She used to laugh and go out a lot but now she just sits at home and just seems sad in general.

When I told my friend that this guy is weird and way too possessive she said she likes that but I'm not entirely convinced. Recently this guy called me up trying to reassure me that he wasn't some extreme nut-case but after 30 minutes of listening to his logical rants I'm still worried (maybe more now because while he was talking I would get the feeling that he's trying to warn me to back off).

We're all just in college and I will admit that my best friend isn't the smartest person and this guy is definitely intelligent. He's come between many of her friends who tried to tell her that he might turn abusive later and I might be next.

I maybe wrong about this guy and I pray everyday that I am but in my gut I know that's not the case and that this guy has some obsessive tendencies.

My friend lost her father three years back and she doesn't get along with her mother. I have a feeling that's when this guy came into her life. She loves him too much and I can't figure out what to do.

A direct approach would simply put an end to our friendship and I worry that the longer I wait the harder it will be to make her understand that this guy might not be normal. What should I do?
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Here's the thing... this is her life and her boyfriend. It's not your place to "make her understand that this guy might not be normal." Frankly, it sounds like you'd be very happy if your less than bright friend got dumped by her "definitely intelligent" boyfriend so the two of you can hang out like you used to before he came along.

What should you do? I think you should back off and stop trying to analyze his behavior. If they break up OR she asks for your advice, then step in and be a friend. Until that point, MYOB. That's what I think, take it or leave it. -- Queenie

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Dear Queenie: Advice for an Imperfect World Let's face it, if this was a perfect world, I'd be sitting under a beach umbrella, sipping a pina colada, watching buff bods play volleyball. But, this world is far from perfect. So, for now, the beach and buff bods will have to wait. I will, however, sip a pina colada or two as I ponder the best advice for your situation if your love life is in the dumpster.
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