Dear Queenie: Advice for an Imperfect World

Attracted To A Married Man: Part II

Hey Queenie: Thanks for the quick reply and the great advice!! I took it to heart!!! I broke up with him the next time I saw him (last Friday night), after we both agonized over it for hours. We talked about everything that we felt was so right but we knew was so wrong!!!

We agreed that it was best, for both of us (and everyone involved). When I left him that night to go home, I could not help but to feel absolutely devastated. I felt like I had been dating this man for 10 years and I did not understand why I was so distraught? But none the less, we agreed to only talk about work, while at work on work phones. And that was it!!!

** Just a quick note, I was amazed that I had found such strength to say the things that I needed to say to him that night. That it will never work, that is is just WRONG on so many levels, and so on. He agreed. I was depending on him to be the 'strong' one.

Well, he made it until about 6pm the next day. He sent me a text message "This is going to be hard". And that was all it took. I called him with butterflies in my stomach, absolutely elated (!!!!) that he had given in. But at the same time, realizing that this 'thing" is stronger than both of us. Still feeling the honesty of the conversation the night before, I was, and still am, torn (absolutely apart).

** Please understand that he IS a good man/father/husband. He does not talk ill about his wife. He admits that he loves her and his family. I take no offense to that. It's just that I can't explain it, there is a force more powerful than us behind this 'thing'. He is not in a bad marriage, they have sex (on average) once a week. They talk and joke, and are just settled in. He feels wierd talking about his wife with me, but I want to know the truth, and I believe he gives it to me.

So he and his family are out of town today and tomorrow. I am waiting to see if he sneaks in a phone call or text message?

He is a Pisces and I am a Scorpio. I've read my Love Signs by Linda Goodman and it says that we basically have a magical, electrical, non-verbal and immediate connection. Which I can't deny. I feel totally helpless (and so does he).

That was his excuse when I called him back after he text messaged me, that he "could not help himself". And I feel the same way. I simply (and seriously) can't help myself. And neither can he. It's an overpowering need that neither one of us can deny. And I know that you will assume that it is sexual, it's not. It's more a deep understanding, for lack of a better term, or a soul mate connection.

Queenie, when I'm near him time and space seem to stop. Nothing else matters. I feel secure like I've never felt before. There is this connection that I can't even begin to put into words.

How do I know if this is the path my life is supposed to take (for whatever reason)? What if it is fate? Or destiny? Have I been put here for a reason? Should I just wait and see what happens?

Just to reiterate, I have NEVER had these feelings with anyone else I've ever met in my life. And I still have no words to explain what it feel's like. And again, they are not feelings of a sexual nature (he is hot but that's not what I'm talking about), god, if I could give you for 30 seconds what I FEEL, you would be blown away!!!!

You would see that THIS is what we've all been searching for.

Now, just to say it again, we've only kissed once. There are no booty calls, nothing more, nothing less. Just one kiss. That's it. But it was heavenly and it brought me to a new place. A new place that I like, and it makes me nervous.

I'm so torn between my feelings and what is "right"? And so is he!!!

This is my take on it part 2; what's yours?

Thanks so much!!!!!!
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You didn't break up with him, you gave him a challenge and he took it. If you really wanted to end it you wouldn't have spent so much time discussing why you shouldn't be spending time together or how frequently he has sex with his wife. And you wouldn't have replied to his text message.

My take? You're in an emotional affair, having mental sex with each other. Why do you think phone sex services make so much money? Or cyber sex is so powerful? The actual physical sex, WHEN it happens (and it will), may not match the intensity you're feeling now. Fantasy fills in all the needs that reality may be lacking.

I don't need 30 seconds of what you feel; I've been there. I know that regardless of what is right or wrong, you will continue this affair. You will continue to enable his cheating.

As far as having compatible sun signs? Considering that there are only 12 sun signs and millions of people on this earth... how many millions do you think you're actually compatible with or that he is compatible with? Just this one married man? Believe what you wish. Believe what keeps you warm at night.

So, let me ask you again: If this perfectly matched man were to marry you, how long do you think it would be before he has an "innocent" dinner with another lonely woman who feels an immediate and magical connection with him?

Write me again in a year. -- Queenie