Dear Queenie: Advice for an Imperfect World

Slimmer Now and Looking For Compliments

My wife of eighteen years told me quite unexpetedly that she was unhappy and was leaving me for another man. She left with her stuff today. She is thirty five years of age. We married when I was eighteen and she was seventeen. We are not the first for each other. We have two children a twenty year old son, hers from a relationship when she was fourteen and fifteen, and a daughter seventeen born a year after we wed.

About five years ago she had surgery to help her lose weight. She was nearly 300 pounds. She is now down to 146 pounds and looks very good.

I was very comfortable in our marriage, apparently too much so. Is this some sort of mid life crisis that she may get over, or should I just move on? Other men have now noticed her for the way she looks. I always loved her big or thin she is just a beautiful person.

I can not compete with someone new and exciting. We have been decent to each other and plan on filing an uncontested divorce. I was hoping that she would change her mind in a couple weeks. Should I wait or start the healing process? I had no idea she was unhappy. All of our friends are surprised as well.

Is this truly the end or did she just get caught up in the excitement? She has also been taking pain killers everyday for the last year and a half. What should I do? -- Vince
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Vince, if you're really anxious to close the door on a possible reconciliation, by all means start dating right now before the divorce is final. But what's your rush? If you love your wife you'll slow down and look at what's been happening here.

You say you can't compete with someone new and exciting. Is that because you see yourself as dull and boring? If so, how do you expect to be a winner in the dating game as you dash out the door to the local bar to find your new love? Come on, if you can get excited about someone new, you can focus those thoughts and that excitement toward your wife.

Many men have romanced their wives and saved their marriages -- they've turned back time to the way it was when they first met and brought back those memories. Women are pushovers for romance and attention.

Your wife has reason to feel good about herself and the attention by other guys is making her feel great, too. But it's time you show her that you think the new her is the best yet. Forget about you loved her even when she was fat. She's not fat now and she doesn't want to be reminded of how she was, she wants to be told--every day--how great she looks now. How sexy, how slim, how young.

Believe me, if you can't do it, some other guy can. -- Queenie