Dear Queenie: Advice for an Imperfect World: Can He Forgive, Can She Forget?

Can He Forgive, Can She Forget?

What should I do? My wife left my 3 kids, and I or I should say abandoned us, right after Christmas. She left straight from our home into the arms of an internet boyfriend.

She has called in the last few days saying she is not with this guy, and that she made a mistake and knows she caused a lot of pain. She hopes I don't sign the divorce papers, but its totally up to me.

I don't know if I can trust her, not only to be faithfull again, or if she can deal with past emotions that control her actions. She tends to dwell on the past life or things already done and gone. I am not sure what to do, because my heart still loves her, but I feel pretty hesistant even considering taking her back.

I was sick for two months, after she left, and she said she was happy and never coming back. Now that I have come to grips and moved on, or trying to move on with my life, which I am currently seeing someone now, but its only friendship now, with hopes of something later. I am confused somewhat here and need an outside opinion. -- Robert
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Robert, it sounds as though she was unhappy because of some things that were not quite right in your marriage. They may have been in the past but apparently they weren't resolved when she left.

Can you trust her? Who knows? Some people cheat once. Some people find it easier after the first time.

Can she stop dwelling on the past? Who knows? Some people can't turn off their internal tapes of past wrongs.

There are three children involved or I would say you probably should continue with the divorce instead of trying again. However, because of the children, I think you might want to consider counseling, both individual and couples counseling, to see if there's any foundation to rebuild your marriage into one that's worth saving. That is, if you still love her. -- Queenie

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Want more of Queenie's no-nonsense advice? Order her books from Amazon.com: Advice for an Imperfect Single World and Advice for an Imperfect Married World.

Dear Queenie: Advice for an Imperfect World Let's face it, if this was a perfect world, I'd be sitting under a beach umbrella, sipping a pina colada, watching buff bods play volleyball. But, this world is far from perfect. So, for now, the beach and buff bods will have to wait. I will, however, sip a pina colada or two as I ponder the best advice for your situation if your love life is in the dumpster.
Questions? Ask Queenie Go to Queenie Home Topics Abusive Relationships And More... Breaking Up Is Hard To Do Can This Marriage Be Saved? Can This Relationship Work? Cheating Side Of Town Cyber Love Forgiving Friends To Lovers He's Married, She's Not Is It Truly Over? Letting Go Looking For Love Midlife Madness Sexually Speaking... Stay Or Go? Torn Between Two Lovers Younger Man, Older Woman	« Feeling Like A Child \| Main \| Looking for Mr. Perfect » Can He Forgive, Can She Forget? What should I do? My wife left my 3 kids, and I or I should say abandoned us, right after Christmas. She left straight from our home into the arms of an internet boyfriend. She has called in the last few days saying she is not with this guy, and that she made a mistake and knows she caused a lot of pain. She hopes I don't sign the divorce papers, but its totally up to me. I don't know if I can trust her, not only to be faithfull again, or if she can deal with past emotions that control her actions. She tends to dwell on the past life or things already done and gone. I am not sure what to do, because my heart still loves her, but I feel pretty hesistant even considering taking her back. I was sick for two months, after she left, and she said she was happy and never coming back. Now that I have come to grips and moved on, or trying to move on with my life, which I am currently seeing someone now, but its only friendship now, with hopes of something later. I am confused somewhat here and need an outside opinion. -- Robert ......................................... Robert, it sounds as though she was unhappy because of some things that were not quite right in your marriage. They may have been in the past but apparently they weren't resolved when she left. Can you trust her? Who knows? Some people cheat once. Some people find it easier after the first time. Can she stop dwelling on the past? Who knows? Some people can't turn off their internal tapes of past wrongs. There are three children involved or I would say you probably should continue with the divorce instead of trying again. However, because of the children, I think you might want to consider counseling, both individual and couples counseling, to see if there's any foundation to rebuild your marriage into one that's worth saving. That is, if you still love her. -- Queenie ........................................................................................... Want more of Queenie's no-nonsense advice? Order her books from Amazon.com: Advice for an Imperfect Single World and Advice for an Imperfect Married World. © 2006 FRIENDS & Lovers the Relationships Guide and Home & Leisure Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved.